I Wish You Knew
by FrenchFryLovesYou
Summary: not long after America joins WW1, Arthur overhears Alfred saying that he knows Arthur hates him. He has excepted this fact and doesn't even think about it any longer. The truth is, that Arthur has always loved Alfred. Now he wants to make things better.
1. Confession

**AN: Ok so this was a request that I wanted to be really short but, realized that it wouldn't be... So this is just the first chapter of an ongoing fic that involves USUK (My 2nd favorite pair)... I will give a request to anyone that can guess my favorite pair... (Have fun and I'll only give it to the first few that get it right) **

**Well, I think it came out pretty good so tell me what you think. Any advice you can give would be appreciated... please review because I will love you forever if you do.**

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Arthur sighed as he walked into the conference room for yet another meeting of the Allied forces. Being involved in World War 1 certainly had its disadvantages, take attending meeting for example. There was supposed to be some important news going around during this meeting. Arthur pondered what it could possibly be as he entered the room.

The news was pretty obvious when Arthur walked in. It was sitting next to Francis and speaking to him. Apparently, America had decided to join the war. Arthur heard bits of the conversation between Francis and Alfred.

"So why have you finally decided to join us?" Francis asked, flipping his blond hair back.

"I have many reasons to be here," Alfred responded. "mostly I figured that you guys needed a hero and I'm the hero."

"I see," Francis said thoughtfuly. "So what's up with you and England? I heard the two of you haven't been in contact for a long time. Do you plan on talking to him?" When Francis said that, Arthur leaned a bit closer, listening for the response.

"That's a weighted question." Alfred sighed before he began. "Well, you know a lot of the story. Obviously you know about my breaking free and all of that correct?"

Francis sighed at the insult to his intelligence, "Of course, everyone knows about that Alfred."

Alfred sighed once more, "Well, I'm not planing on talking to him because... I Arthur hates me." He said it without any emotional affliction. "A long time ago, I believe Arthur did care about me. He used to help me, talk to me all the time, and we used to be really close. That was a very long time ago though. I don't know why that time ended but, it became obvious that it did when he began calling me 'propriety of the crown.'"

Francis looked at Alfred with pity. "I'm so very sorry to here that. It must have been awful for you to endure that knowledge. Was that why you broke away?"

Alfred almost chuckled at the thought. "Well I realized that there was nothing that could change what had happened. i decided that it was time for me to move on with my life. I knew that doing so would only make Arthur hate me even more but, I needed the change."

"Are you alright with all of that?" Francis asked.

"I honestly don't even think about it all that often anymore. I just know it to be true." Alfred said with an emotionless tone.

Arthur stopped listening at that point. Alfred thought; no he was sure that; Arthur hated him. The thought filled Arthur with an intense sadness. The truth couldn't be further from the American's claims.

The truth was that Arthur had always loved Alfred. In the beginning, that was his prime reason for watching over the colonies. His love was the reason he tightened his control over Alfred. He hadn't wanted to lose him. That was the honest truth of the matter. It had backfired of course and caused Alfred to break away from him completely. Arthur had never been able to forgive himself for driving his love away.

The sadest part of Alfred's telling of what had happened was the fact that Alfred obviously believed what he had said. He actually didn't think about it or care any longer. That knowledge was like a knife going strait through Arthur's heart.

Arthur knew that with the both of them fighting in this wat he could talk to Alfred once more. He also knew it would be difficult but, he was determined to let Alfred know how he felt. He wanted the blue eyed American to know that he wasn't hated, not by a long shot.

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**AN: Well that's the beginning of this fic. Poor Arthur... go get your man back! Well let me know what you think about this. **

**Remember... if you can guess my favorite pair from hetalia you get a request!**


	2. Realization

**AN: Sorry for the long time between updates for this one. Took me a while to write this chapter because of many reasons. One of them being the fact that my computer crashed and I lost the chapter that I had already written and had to rewrite it. Anyway, here is the next chapter. **

**I want to thank those of you that already reviewed this! I absolutely love reading them. It really makes my day. Please continue to review it! I would love you forever! **

Arthur sat silently and tried to listen to the conversations going around during the meeting. He really did try but, that didn't work at all because his mind was elsewhere. It was on Alfred. It was focused on the fact that Alfred thought that Arthur hated him. Honestly, the only time Arthur paid any attention was when Alfred addressed the group and told them all why he had joined them in their fight. One line he said brought back memories very dear to Arthur's heart. "I'm here because I'm the hero." It made him think of a time long ago.

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"Wow Arthur. That was awesome."

Arthur beamed at the comment from a young Alfred. He wasn't aware that in a short amount of time, Alfred would be leaving him forever. "You think so Alfred?"

"Of course I do. You're like a hero or something." Alfred looked up excitedly at Arthur and smiled. "I really want to be that strong and amazing when I get older."

Arthur couldn't help but chuckle. "One day you'll be the hero Alfred. You will be just as strong as me. if not stronger. I promise. You're in the process of becoming a hero right now."

Alfred smiled brightly, his bright blue eyes lighting up. "How will I know when I'm the hero?"

"Well, you'll know it when it happens. You will do something amazing that makes people recognize you and you will know that you are a hero."

Alfred smiled once more. "I can't wait."

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The bittersweet memory faded as Alfred stopped talking and returned to his seat. That time was amazing for Arthur, he was still really close to Alfred and it had been obvious that Alfred had believed him. It was sad though. The event that had made Alfred the hero, the event that had got him recognized, was the one that tore Arthur's heart out of his chest. Breaking away from England had been that event.

Arthur shook his head and forced himself to stop thinking, it wasn't worth it to dwell on those memories anymore. They didn't matter now that Alfred was positive that Arthur hated him. That wasn't the case at all. Arthur still loved him.

Arthur once again had to force his line of thought to change. What he should be dwelling on, is how he could get Alfred to believe him once more. he needed to find a way to show Alfred that he loved him more than anything and always had. Arthur wasn't any good at that kind of thing though so he knew it would be difficult. First, he had to get Alfred to listen to him. That was a difficult task on it's own.

Arthur sat like that for the rest of the meeting; not really listening and just waiting for it to be over. As soon as the meeting was called Arthur was the first one out the door. He needed to get out of that place and away from Alfred. He needed to find some place to be alone and just think about all of this. He needed to figure out how to make things right again.

Arthur walked from the conference to the park and sat down on one of the brown benches. He put his head in his hands and felt tears begin to flow. He didn't know that seeing Alfred again after all these years would affect him like this. The memories flooding his mind made it very clear who was at fault for Alfred's leaving. It was completely Arthur's fault. He had pushed the other nation away. Slowly at first, but over time it had gotten a million times worse. Eventually it seemed that Alfred just didn't want to take any more abuse from him. The realization hurt more than anything Arthur had ever had to deal with in the past. It was his fault that the love of his life thought the he hated him.

After several minutes, Arthur calmed himself down and began to think rationally. He made up his mind, he was going to talk to Alfred. He would start slowly with small talk and such then, move up to the conversations that would really matter. He would make Alfred understand why he had pushed him away. He would make Alfred realize that he loved him.

Arthur's bright green eyes looked up at the sky above him and he smiled a sad smile. The hard part would be trying to get the younger nation to listen to him in the first place. If he could somehow manage that, maybe there was hope. Unfortunately, Arthur wasn't very good at this kind of thing. He would just have to give it his best. He decided to start at the next world meeting.

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**AN: So this is chapter two. I think it's alright but, it should pick up pace after this chapter when the two finally interact. Let me know what you think!**


	3. The First Attempt

**AN: Well... I took a few days off from updating anything... so I'm back in business now so here's a new chapter of I Wish You Knew! I'm sorry about the short chapter as well… It just kind of turned out that way. **

**I'm glad I got some reviews from people liking the last chapter! That makes me smile a lot!**

**Please, Please, Please, Please, Please... review! I love your reviews! They make my day and make me want to write even more for you people! So please let me know what you think! Advice or criticism is welcomed as well!**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

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Three days later, Arthur walked into the conference room feeling nervousness course through his veins. He had a plan in place but, now he had to enact it. He had to put a smile on his face and approach his former charge for the first time in years. He had to talk to someone who most definitely wouldn't want to talk to him and would think that... well he had no clue what Alfred would say or think or if the American would want to talk to him at all.

Arthur took a deep breath in order to calm his jumping thoughts. He needed to be calm and think this through before he would be able to get anywhere with the other nation. He wanted the younger man to listen to him more than he had ever wanted anything else. It scared the shit out of him.

Alfred walked to his seat and watched the door carefully. He was there early so there weren't many nations there.

His eyes lit up when he saw Alfred walk in. Of course, he was slightly disappointed when Alfred went to the exact opposite end of the table, refusing to be anywhere near the Englishman.

Arthur waited the entire meeting, running through what he planned to say in his head… he hoped it would be good… he hoped that his blonde, American, ex-colony would actually listen to him and not leave in a hurry. He hoped that maybe, if he was lucky, the other nation actually cared more than he had let on to Francis.

By the end of the meeting, Arthur was a nervous wreck… about ready to leave without ever stopping to talk to his lost love. But then, all of his hard planning and worrying would be for nothing. He had to at least try to talk to the younger man. He had to at least get Alfred to look him in the eyes if nothing else.

Arthur approached Alfred with a forced smile on his face, "Alfred… I didn't get a chance to talk with you after the last meeting…"

Alfred looked at Arthur incredulously, "Umm… yeah… shame…"

Arthur sighed and tried to recall what he had planned to say to the adorable blond haired, blue eyed nation. "So... how have you been Alfred?"

"Fine... why do you care?"

Arthur cringed at the harshness in Alfred's voice. "Well… why wouldn't I?"

Alfred gave a humorless laugh, "We both know the answer to that question Artie."

Arthur just stared, feeling his heart breaking as he was standing there. "Alfred…"

Alfred just shook his head, "If that's all… I'll be leaving now."

Arthur watched the younger nation walk away and knew that he should stop him. He knew that he should get a hold of that annoying American and shake the truth into him but, he was too stunned to even move. His plan had failed and tears were starting to fill his eyes.

After Alfred was long gone, Arthur had retreated to the same park bench where he had come up with his original plan and looked up at the sky, tears streaming down his face. Alfred wouldn't even give him a chance to make small talk, let alone discuss what he actually needed to get across. He needed to tell him that he still loved him. Really, he had never told him about it in the first place and now, he needed the American to know.

Arthur stood up with a look of resolve on his face. He would just have to try again… Alfred was worth it.

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**AN: Well… thanks for reading this installment… I promise to try to update a lot more frequently but, school is making that difficult.**

**Please review this! And… if you feel the urge… go and read some of my other stuff! Particularly the one-shots that haven't gotten much love *hint, hint***

**I am actually writing a bunch of Halloween one-shots at the moment... if you have any suggestions (for virtually any pairing) please let me know! (2 have already been posted!)  
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…**. I feel bad for Iggy now!**


	4. Memories

**AN: *sigh* Ok so here's another chapter for you lovely readers! **

**I'm happy with the response that the last chapter got from people who reviewed it! **

**Reviews make my day and if you review then I will love you forever… and you get a hug from Matthew! (Hugs from Canadians are always fun!) And if you want to make me really happy you will be nice and go and read some of my other stuff (my Halloween collection needs some love!) and review it too! That would make my day!**

**Anyway… ignore my groveling… enjoy!

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Arthur woke up with a sigh. The past few days had been hell for him. He had seen Alfred multiple times and had tried to talk to the American each and every time. It was no use… Alfred just found an excuse to walk away from the older man and do something better with his time.

Arthur couldn't really blame his ex-colony though. He had been so terrible to the other man all those years ago that it was really no surprise that America thought the Arthur hated him. He still couldn't ignore the tears that came with the knowledge that the hate didn't exist… only love for the younger man.

Arthur walked into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He was shocked by the way things had changed over the years. He would have never guessed that he would be a still-successful nation, involved in a world war, and not really care about the war one bit. All he was concerned with was getting his lost love back. He honestly wished the war would last longer just so he would have an excuse to talk to Alfred.

It wasn't that Arthur expected Alfred to forgive him. He knew that Alfred would be angry with him regardless of what he did or said.

_But, he told Francis that he didn't care anymore, _the voice in his head reminded him. That was right... the younger nation didn't care about Arthur anymore. The past never bothered him at this point.

Arthur was the exact opposite. The past haunted his dreams; it even stuck in his head when he was awake.

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"_Arthur, I'm done!"_

_Alfred stood across from the other nation. It was nearing the end of the revolutionary way and Arthur still couldn't comprehend what was going on. "I'm quite aware of that fact Alfred. I'm still not letting you go without a fight."_

"_It's over Arthur. Just get over it and let me go. I'm getting my independence whether you support that decision or not." Alfred had no emotion on his face as he stood face to face with Arthur._

_Arthur grabbed his gun and pointed it in Alfred's direction. "I can't let you do that America."_

"_Go ahead and shoot. I'm still not staying under your rule any longer." Alfred stared at the gun._

_Arthur pointed it at the other man but couldn't bring himself to pull the trigger. He loved Alfred far too much to even dream of shooting him. He continued to hold his ground though. "I'd rather have you dead then independent."_

"_Go ahead and do it then. One shot is all it will take but, I will get my people free of your tyranny."_

_Arthur sighed and dropped the gun in surrender. "I-I can't shoot you Alfred. Go ahead; you win your damned independence. I can't do it." _

_Tears ran down Arthur's face as he said the words. He was losing his love; the only person that he had ever cared about was now separating himself. He hated the thought of it. He hated the fact that Alfred was leaving him for good and he hated the fact that he couldn't fight back no matter how much he wanted too.

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_

Arthur often wondered how things would have turned out if he had taken the shot. Would America still be one of England's colonies? Would the shot have killed Alfred? Would Alfred hate him even more if he had kept him for longer? Would America have gotten independence anyway?

Arthur hated where his mind was taking him. It just wasn't a safe place to be. He hated "what ifs" and preferred to stay in the land of "what is." He couldn't stand to think of how much he would have hated himself if he had taken the shot anyway.

Arthur left the bathroom with a sigh and walked back into his room. The next meeting wasn't until tomorrow and that was when he planned to make sure Alfred couldn't get away from his conversations.

Arthur looked down at his phone to find a new message from Francis.

_Bonjour __Angleterre__! How are you this morning? I wanted to talk to you about someone if you have the time. _

_~Francis_

Arthur sighed and replied, it wasn't like he had anything better to do that day so he figured it wouldn't be too bad to talk with the Frenchman.

_Hello Francis. I have nothing better to do so come over whenever you feel like it._

_~Arthur_

Francis replied quickly.

_How about you come over here to speak? I think it would be better that way anyway._

_~Francis_

Arthur sighed but, humored the other man.

_Fine. I'll be over there in about an hour. _

_~Arthur_

He closed his phone and paced his bedroom for a short period of time. Who did the stupid git feel like talking about this time? He had a guess but, wouldn't dare vocalize that idea. He really hoped it wasn't who he thought… who he hoped would just talk to him.

It would honestly be better if Alfred just told Arthur that he hated him. That would make Arthur's life easier because then the 'what-ifs' would just go away before they even came. There would be no question of whether Alfred felt the same way or not.

Arthur knew for a fact that Alfred didn't feel the same way so he wasn't even sure where the thought had come from. The American had made it clear many years ago that he wanted nothing to do with England any longer.

Of course, other memories came to his mind when he thought of the younger nation. Ones of a happier time when there was no fighting or question of who hated who.

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"_Iggy!" Alfred ran up and hugged Arthur. _

"_I told you not to call me that anymore Alfred!" Arthur tried to sound stern but, the affectionate tone in his voice destroyed it. _

"_I'm still going too!" Alfred giggled. _

"_Well… what do you want Al?"_

"_I wanted to know if you wanted to go on a walk around the park with me. It's really nice outside today." Alfred was a teenager at the time. He knew that Arthur would say yes. They had done this many time when he had been younger and he knew that Arthur loved the park… it was the place that he went to when nothing was going right and he needed to think._

_Arthur smiled. "It's been a while since we've been there. Why not?"_

_The two went to the park and had a great time. Alfred chased Arthur around the lake with a stick, threatening to poke him if he refused to keep running. Eventually, the brit stole the stick and chased Alfred with it. It was one of the few times that Alfred saw a more light-hearted view of his friend and mentor. _

_

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_

That day was one of the best that Arthur could ever remember. He loved how easy things were back then. He loved how he had spent so much time with the younger nation.

Some things didn't change though. The park was still his place of solace.

The memory led Arthur to once again question when it had all gone wrong in the first place.

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"_What the hell Arthur? Those rules are completely absurd!"_

"_They are not America. They are the best thing for England."_

"_That doesn't mean that they're the best for America! And that's all I care about." Alfred was pissed. How dare his mentor put up all these stupid rules in HIS country. _

"_You are the propriety of the queen and thus have no say in the matter." Honestly, Arthur just wished the stupid American could just see the error in his ways. Arthur wasn't trying to hurt the other man in any way. One the contrary, he just wanted to make sure that Alfred was safe. _

"_I'm just about done with this Arthur. I don't want to take this anymore."_

"_And I don't really care what you think!"

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_

Arthur cringed at the memory. It left him feeling sad and really responsible for what had happened. It was all his fault. He just wanted to keep Alfred safe and in his care forever but, in reality, he had been pushing the younger man away for all of that time.

Now, he would do anything to take all of those words back.

He glanced at the clock. It was almost time to go to Francis' and talk about whatever the love obsessed idiot wanted to discuss. It was probably about love of some sort because that's all Francis seemed capable of.

Arthur sighed and went over to his car.

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**AN: Much longer chapter then the last one! Mostly Arthur's memories though and no new development really. Except for Francis… wonder what the idiot is going to try to do about the whole ordeal. And what does he want to talk about anyway?**

**Well, you should review and tell me what you think. (Reviews make me want to write more for you people!) **

**It was brought to my attention that I had a bit of a failure xD It's ww1 and for some reason I gave them cell phones! Well... lets just pretend I don't fail and that cell phones and texting existed back then for the sake of my crazy mind that imagined that they did exist! (I'll just call it... creative License!)  
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	5. Francis

**AN: So long time between updates and I hate it… I blame school and AP English…. But, at least I have a new chapter now! New chapters are fun aren't they? Well, no need to worry about very long times without updates right now. I am typing up a few chapters now so expect them every other day or something like that.**

**So I'm glad some of you liked the last chapter! Yes, I am aware of the failure that I am with the cell phones back in WW1 times… oops…. Well, apparently in this story they existed at that time!**

**Please review this! I love reviews; they make a terrible day good and a good day awesome! And if you really love me you'll read and review my other stuff as well!**

**Well, here's the chapter of I Wish You Knew!

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Arthur sat in Francis' driveway fro a good ten minutes before he finally decided to walk up to the house. He really didn't want to be there, he didn't want to be anywhere really. Actually, there is one place he wanted to be… that was with Alfred.

Arthur sighed when he realized that if he didn't go inside soon, the Frenchman was probably going to kill him for being late or something like that so he might as well go in.

Knocking on the door, Arthur waited for Francis impatiently. He hated to be here and really would rather not be in any contact with this perverted Frenchman. He hated the fact that this French bastard would most likely be the one to tell him some shit about how he was in love with Alfred. He knew that much without having to deal with an annoying conversation.

Francis came to the door with a smile. "Hello Arthur! I hope you are having a wonderful day _Angleterre_."

Arthur just mumbled some sort of hello as he walked into the house.

"So not feeling very talkative?"

"What the hell do you want Francis? Just tell me now and get it over with now."

Francis sighed, "Well, this is about Alfred, of course I'm sure you could have figured that much out. How are you feeling about his return to our ranks?"

Arthur groaned. He knew that Francis would want to talk about America and he had accepted that fact. He didn't think that he would be questioned about his feelings on all of this. He considered lying but, decided it would be best to just come clean with the French bastard. "Not well."

Francis nodded sympathetically. "Yes, I figured as much. You love him _Non_?

Once again, Arthur thought it best to just state the truth on that matter. "Yes, I do. I always have and I don't think I can ever stop loving that stupid git."

Francis put a hand on Arthur's shoulder. "Yes, I know. It must hurt quite a bit. You did here what he said to me, didn't you?"

Arthur nodded to that.

"Well then, this makes this a bit easier to explain. He told me that he didn't care anymore. That he didn't really think about it." Francis paused. "I believe that this is a lie. I believe that Alfred feels the exact same way about you. He just got hurt because of it and now doesn't want to confront it ever again, believing that you hate him still."

Arthur remained silent. Tears were welling up in his eyes but, he wouldn't cry, not in front of Francis anyway.

Francis sighed when he heard the doorbell ring. "Sit," he ordered the Englishman.

Arthur obeyed, too lost in his own thoughts to argue with anything.

Francis returned with yet another guest at his heels. Arthur blanched when he saw who it was. What the hell was that bastard thinking? Why the hell would he have invited Alfred here as well?

The American was chatting away happily when he spotted Arthur. He went silent and stared at the older nation and then back at Francis. He gave Francis a questioning look.

Francis sighed. "I brought both of you here today for a few reasons. I know that you have had your differences but, now I think it's time that you overcome those differences and finally talk to one another. I think you too could very easily be friends because you are both on equal ground now."

Alfred snorted, "Sorry Francis, but I don't think that's gonna happen. You see, me and Iggy here, we kinda hate each other for all that shit that went down all those years ago. I don't think a friendship will be all that easy for us… too much history."

Arthur nodded. "Yes… there is far too much history between us for this to just fix itself and go away. I wouldn't go as far as hate but, I do have to say that friendship would be rather difficult." What he had wanted to say, was that he agreed with Francis and wanted to befriend the young nation. Not only that, but he also wanted the other man to realize his love once more. The fact that the younger nation had called him Iggy, that had meant that maybe, just maybe, the hatred wasn't really there. He had been called Iggy in the days when the two had been relatively close. He had always hated the name but, he loved the use of it now.

Francis sighed, "Are the two of you really this stubborn?"

Arthur sighed, "It's being realistic Francis, not stubborn. We both know that this will go nowhere good."

Alfred nodded, "We already figured out that we don't get along very well so trying to be friends again won't really work."

Francis saw how much Arthur wished that Alfred hadn't said any of it. He wished that Alfred had just agreed to at least give it a chance. He knew that Arthur planned to try to talk to the younger nation, regardless of this conversation. What was worse, he saw that Alfred also wanted to contact the older nation. He could see that Alfred was still hurt and lonely.

Francis looked at the two nations. Did they realize how much they still had in common? Probably not. "You guys do know that eventually you will have to face the truth. You can't lie to yourselves and each other forever."

Arthur stood up at the same time that Alfred did.

"I'm outta here." Alfred declared.

Arthur sighed, "You can stay because I'm leaving now."

Both of the nations walked out and Francis just sat down on his couch and sighed. "When will they realize that _la amour_ is just too strong to avoid?"

Alfred walked to his car and Arthur walked to his. They didn't say a word to one another the entire time and Arthur thought that was a shame. He wanted to say something but, knew now that he would have to work even harder to get to the younger man. At next weeks meeting, he planned to be more persistent than before.

Being in the room with Alfred and Francis made Arthur realize, more than ever, that he truly loved America and that would never change.

Little did he know, when Alfred got into his car, the American cried. He felt the pain for the first time and years and couldn't help it.

Arthur looked at the car that was now driving away, "Next week Alfred."

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**AN: so Francis is pretty awesome huh? He just knows things about love. It doesn't matter if they are obvious or not (In Alfred's case… not) I think that Francis has the right idea though. Make them talk to each other and see what happens.**

**Another kinda short chapter but, I think it was pretty good. **

**Didn't see that coming with Alfred, did you? (You probably did) **

**Well, let's see what happens!**

**P.S Reviews please! (And awesome people should read my other stuff as well!)**


	6. Because you hate me

**AN: apparently, you guys liked the last chapter and the fact that Francis is actually correct for once in his long life. (It had to happen eventually) **

**Well, I love that you guys liked the chapter, that really makes me happy to see. I love getting reviews and love you guys for giving me reviews!

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A week after his encounter with Francis, Arthur walked into the meeting room with renewed confidence. He was going to talk to the American moron regardless of whether Alfred agreed or not. He was tired of being thwarted and just wanted to get it all over with and open up the lines of communication.

Arthur took his spot at the table and watched as the other nations slowly poured in. he saw America walk in and waved. Alfred looked confused and hesitantly waved back. America sat near France, at the other end of the table. Arthur sighed but, he was not derailed in any way.

Arthur managed to sit through the entire meeting without feeling the need to bolt. That was a big accomplishment on his part because, especially at this moment, the meetings bored him to tears.

As soon as the meeting ended, Arthur jumped up from the chair and ran over to where Francis and Alfred stood.

"Arthur, what are you doing over here?" Francis asked with a smirk.

"I just wanted to talk to Alfred." Arthur answered.

Francis smirked, "I'll be on my way then," he said, walking away. Once he was out of earshot he sighed. "L'amour, you have prospered once more."

Alfred glanced at Arthur incredulously. "What? Why would you want to talk to me?"

"Well, how have you been?" Small talk was always good.

"Really Arthur, why are you even bothering? We both know that you hate me and could care less either way."

Arthur felt tears coming into his eyes but, he fought them valiantly. "Well, I was just being polite and maybe I want to be friends again."

Alfred snorted. "We both know that's a lie Iggy. So what do you want from me?"

Arthur cringed at the use of his nickname. The nickname he hadn't wanted in the first place but, had longed to hear for years now. Now, it was used with a bit of contempt. It brought up memories both good and bad and pain and happiness all in one shot. "I don't want anything from you Alfred."

"Of course you don't Arthur. So why does your leader want you to talk to me?"

"What are you talking about you bloody git?"

"England, we both know that you wouldn't ever talk to me of your own will. You must either need something or maybe your leader is forcing you to do this."

Arthur hated that Alfred had used his human name to his face. That hurt like hell. "Why do you think that America?"

"Because you hate me!" Alfred sighed.

"That may not be true."

"Whatever, I'm leaving." Before Arthur could stop him, Alfred walked out of the room. Arthur saw that Alfred was pissed but, he didn't see the tears in the younger man's eyes.

Arthur cried, right there in the middle of the almost empty conference room. He then collected himself, went home, and cried again. He knew that Alfred believed everything he said but, that didn't help a thing.

Arthur knew that he needed to talk to Alfred once more. He needed to have a serious conversation about all of this but, after a world meeting wasn't the place. No, that was where he was going to continue to try to use small talk.

Maybe Arthur would get lucky. Maybe the other nation would appear somewhere like the park when he was there. In case luck wasn't on his side he decided to go visit Francis again, this time on his own terms. He wouldn't even call. In fact, he would go right now.

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Arthur sat in Francis' driveway for quite a long time before he decided it was safe for him to enter the house. When he did, he was confronted by a confused but somehow still happy, Francis. Arthur hated being anywhere near the Frenchman, regardless of his mood.

"I need to ask you about something Francis."

"What ever could you need Angleterre?"

"I need help with… some things that have to do with Alfred."

"Ah… you need help with l'amour." Francis sighed. He knew that one of them would come to their senses.

"N-no," Arthur stuttered. "It's just that I kinda need help getting him to talk to me… it has nothing to do with l-love."

"Of course not," Francis sighed. "It would be easier to help you if you would just come clean."

"Forget it," Arthur mumbled, running out of the house. He jumped into his car and drove. He didn't care where he was headed; he just wanted to get out as soon as physically possible. He ended up at the park.

Arthur got out of the car and walked over to his bench. "Seems like this is the only place I can go."

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**AN: END OF CHAPTER!**

**Please review!**


	7. The Bench

**AN: YAY for another chapter. Also, Yay for finally catching up on my frickin updates! I took forever because AP English likes to take up a lot of time when the teacher decides to assign random research paper that you really don't want to do and it makes you want to go cry in the corner…**

**Anyway, I'm back at it! I actually have the next five days off from school and I plan to make the best of that for you guys. So please, enjoy the chapters to come!**

**And… I love you guys who review these stories! I love to read all of them. Thank you for the reviews that mention that you like my writing in general. I have even read reviews in which the reader gets aggravated with the characters. That really means that I'm doing my job! Thank you all so very much!**

**Please review because reviews are awesome and I love them so very much!

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Arthur looked down at the ground, up at the sky, anywhere near his beloved bench really. He loved the bench because here he could just sit and cry. Here he could just think about the events of the day. Here he didn't have to pretend to go with the flow and be alright all the time. Here he could just be himself and let himself feel all of the things that he didn't allow himself to feel during the day.

Right now, Arthur was feeling a lot of despair. He couldn't believe some of the things that he had heard come out of the American's mouth back in the conference. Actually, he could believe it. All of it. The problem was; the reason the American thought what he did was all Arthur's fault. Arthur was the one who had pushed the young nation away. Arthur was the one who had made ridiculous rules. Arthur was the one who had more or less told Alfred he hated him. Arthur was the one who did all of it. Arthur was the one who would suffer because of his choices.

He leaned a bit farther back on the bench. He knew it was unhealthy for him to think about all of this too much. He knew that he should just stop thinking about the stupid American altogether. He should just let the other man go. That was hard to do when you were in love though.

Arthur heard the sounds of a car parking somewhere behind him. _"It's probably someone taking a stroll around the park. Maybe, it's a happy couple. Those couples should count their blessings now before it all falls apart. Whoever it is probably has a brighter and happier reason to be here than I do." _Arthur thought to himself.

At the thought of happy couples and people Arthur felt the tears come flow out of his eyes once more. He didn't bother to stop them; it would be a futile effort anyway. Maybe, he should just admit to Francis that he is right. He is in love with Alfred and maybe it was about time he admitted it to someone besides himself.

Arthur heard someone walking close by and sighed. _"Happy people that probably won't bother with a sad, pathetic loser like myself." _ He considered.

The appearance of the noise didn't make the tears stop like being near people would normally do. It didn't do anything but make the reality even more clear and painful.

He heard the walking stop and wondered why for a moment. A moment later, he was so wrapped up in his own grief that it didn't matter to him anyway. Nothing mattered anymore. Not until he could get Alfred to at least listen to him. He knew that things could never go back to how they were. He knew that they were too far gone to hope for that much. Maybe, they could be friends though. And maybe, that could go even farther.

Arthur jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. "I-Iggy?" he heard a familiar voice say.

The voice sent a shiver down his spine. It was the voice of that one person that he really needed right now. It was the voice of that one person who could turn his entire world upside down and inside out. It was the voice that he only ever heard in his dreams and memories.

It was Alfred.

Arthur knew that his mind was just bringing him back to a better time. His mind was trying to preserve as much sanity as it possibly could. He was just having a flashback again. He was going back to that time where the young American would call him "Iggy" in that shy, caring voice of his.

"Iggy, are you… are you alright?" the voice persisted.

Arthur turned around for a brief moment and was startled by what he saw. The Alfred before him was not one that was conjured by his dreams. It was the real person and the real thing. He wiped the tears from his eyes quickly. "Oh, Alfred. What are you doing here?"

Alfred shook his head. "I just happened to be here. I like to come here sometimes. Why are you here? And you didn't answer my original question."

"I come here all the time. Whenever I need time to think I make sure that I have the chance to drive over." He avoided answering the original question. The American hated him. Alfred was only talking to him out of common courtesy, nothing more and nothing less.

"England, I asked if you were alright." Alfred had a demanding tone now.

The use of his nation name sent a wave of despair and fury through Arthur. Why the hell did the bloody git have to call him England? Why couldn't he say Iggy again? Arthur knew that he had always told Alfred that he hated being called Iggy but, that was a lie. The only person who could call him that was the idiotic American. Why not use the human name instead?

"You know what Alfred, no I am most definitely not alright. I won't be alright. You know why? Because you are a bloody moron who can't just make life simple and go away. No, you have to come back and complicate things and make me feel like this and I hate it!" Arthur ranted out of anger.

Alfred looked taken aback. "Arthur… what the hell are you going on about?"

"It's nothing Alfred. Nothing you have to worry about. And why do you care so much anyway? You hate me, don't you?"

Alfred looked down at the ground. Nothing the older man said made any sense to him. Arthur was the one who hated him. Arthur was the one who caused all of this mess. Alfred had just reached the point where none if it even mattered to him anymore. At least, that's what he said to everyone. He knew now that he lied to everyone on a daily basis. It still hurt and it still mattered more than he would ever admit to anyone.

"I don't hate you. You're the one who hates me! I don't even care anymore. I stopped caring about you and all of this a long time ago Iggy!"

"That's not true Alfred! I don't hate you. I never did hate you. Even when I said I did, even when I imposed all of those idiotic laws, through all of that I never hated you." It was the truth. He never hated Alfred and knew that he never could. The only reason Alfred had won his independence was because Arthur couldn't stand fighting with him. He couldn't deal the blow that would have won him that war.

"If that's true then why did you do all of that? Why did you do that to me?" Alfred tried to keep up the pretense of not caring but, it just wasn't working any longer. He felt the tears falling down his cheeks and knew that the Englishman could see them as well.

Arthur saw that the other man was crying and felt shock at that news. He had never seen the other nation cry. Sure, when Alfred was a child he would cry because of illness or injury but, that was a long time ago. Now, the younger nation was carefree and happy and just America in every way. "I did it because I was stupid Alfred. I know that either you hate me or don't care or whatever it is you feel and… I don't blame you for it. It was all my fault and I know that now."

Alfred just shook his head and turned around to walk away.

"Alfred. You know that we need to talk about this. I want to befriend you once more. I want to talk to you again. We can't ignore this forever." Arthur pleaded with him.

Alfred ignored the British man and walked back to his car. "Don't worry if I don't show up for meetings the next few weeks. I'm taking the next few weeks off." He looked back at the now distressed England. "We don't need to talk about anything."

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**AN: So how do you guys like that. It kinda makes me wanna cry just writing it and going back and reading it makes me wanna cry even more! I hope you guys liked it because I do. And it's also a longer one!**

**Beware: the drama is just getting started. Everything up to this point was mostly back story and set up! Now, the real ride begins!**

**Enjoy and I hope to get the next chapter typed up soon!**


	8. Best I Ever Had

**AN: It feels good to get reviews about how much my writing affects the reviewer. I love to invoke emotions with my writing because it means I'm doing something right. It's especially exciting to hear that I'm invoking the emotions that I meant to invoke. This all makes me ridiculously happy!**

**Well, I love having time to update because of a lack of school! You all love it too I guess because then you have something to read and look forward too! I'm sorry for the asshole that Alfred is being… it really makes me mad too.**

**Please review because reviews are awesome!

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The next week, Arthur was one of the last people to show up at the world meeting. That was something completely new and foreign to him. He was normally the first person there. If he wasn't first, he was at least one of the first people to show up at the meetings. He just didn't know what to do with himself over the past week.

After his confrontation with Alfred, Arthur had been walking around like a zombie. He hadn't been able to think or function. He just went through every single day just going through the motions. Francis had called him multiple times to check up on him but, the Englishman had just ignored the call or had lied and said he was fine.

In reality, Arthur was more or less broken in two. He felt as though his heart had been ripped out of his chest. There was a large feeling of emptiness now that he knew that Alfred wasn't even willing to talk to him.

To make things worse, the American had told the truth about his not coming to the next few meetings. Now, Arthur had to wait a few weeks before he got another chance to talk to the bloody git. At this point, Arthur wasn't even sure if he could talk to Alfred anymore. It was just too painful to deal with it all. Although, Arthur also knew that it was all worth it. If he could get his love to talk to him once more, all of the pain and tears and despair would be well worth the pain and wait. Alfred was worth all of it in his eyes. Alfred was worth all of it and so much more.

Arthur forced his brain to stop working as he glanced around for a place to sit in the crowded conference room. He sighed when he saw that the only open seat was the one next to Francis. It was definitely not his dream spot or the ideal person to deal with when his emotions were going haywire on him.

He sat down next to the Frenchman anyway. As soon as he did, Francis immediately started up on him. "Bonjour Angleterre! How have you been Cher? Are you alright?"

Arthur just shook his head. "No Francis… I'm not fine."

That was probably the first time that he had admitted that he was not ok to anyone but himself. Francis knew how bad off the British man had to be if he was admitting outwardly that he wasn't ok. "You really love him, don't you?"

Arthur considered arguing but, settled for nodding instead. He was so far gone and so upset that he didn't care if Francis knew anymore. He didn't care what Francis thought about it at that point. He just wanted to leave and get drunk until all of the pain was gone.

Over the past few days, Arthur had resorted back to drinking whiskey every damn night so that he could actually sleep. Now, he felt like he needed the alcohol during the day, not just during the night when the sleep was needed. He didn't know whether it was good or bad that Alfred wasn't here. It was probably a bad thing. He could probably deal with it if he had to admire him from afar but, without him here at all, Arthur felt transported back to the time when Alfred had first left him.

Francis nearly cried himself at the look on his friends face. The utter defeat and pain seen there made him want to slap the American until he realized that L'amour was stronger than the both of them. "Angleterre… could I do anything to help?" He knew that he couldn't do much but, if he could take Arthur's mind off it for a short period of time, it would be something.

Arthur began to say no but then decided that maybe the French pervert could help him out. "Can we go out drinking tonight?"

Francis nodded, "Of course we can. Do you want me to bring Toni or anyone else along?"

Arthur nodded. The way he saw it, the more people the better. That would stop him from thinking about Alfred at the very least. "Bring Gilbert along. He's good to drink with."

"Ah, so going out with me and the usual crew?"

"Why the hell not? I've got nothing to lose by this point." The sad part was that statement was completely true. He didn't have anything to lose because he had already lost everything. After someone loses the one person that can make a difference in their life, they really don't have anything to live for anymore.

That's why, at about eight o'clock, Arthur was sitting on a bar stool listening to Gilbert go on about how awesome he was. Arthur was actually feeling pretty good. The logical part of his brain kept telling him that it was due to the glass of whiskey sitting in front of his face. He knew that when Alfred did come back, he wouldn't be able to drink that much anymore. He couldn't afford to be drunk when the American was around because he had no idea what he would say or what he would do.

The night was going fine until he heard the song that came on the radio.

_Now I know_

_I messed up bad_

_You were the best I ever had_

_I let you down in the worst way_

_It hurts me every single day_

The words broke him out of his drunken stupor. He almost cried at that point. The words were just far to true for the depressed Englishman. It really sucked that, on the one night when he wasn't going to think about any of it, that particular song had to come on the radio.

_Now I'm here to say I'm sorry_

_And ask for a second chance_

_Cause when it all comes down in the end_

_I could sure use a friend._

At that point, Arthur really started to cry. He ignored everyone around him. They were all trying to find out what was wrong and offering him help. He didn't give a shit what they said. Nothing would help him. Nothing would help except for Alfred coming back into his life once more.

_So many things _

_I would take back_

_You were the best I ever had_

_I don't blame you for hating me_

_I didn't mean to make you leave_

That part was too perfect for Arthur's taste. It was true for him in every single way. He would take back anything and everything if it would bring Alfred back into his life. He didn't blame Alfred for hating him because it was all his fault. But, it was unintentional in every way.

_You and I were living like a love song_

_I feel so bad, I feel so bad that you're gone_

_Now I know you're the only one that I want_

_I want you back _

_I want you_

That more or less summed it up. It took the American breaking away and leaving for him to realize how much he needed and loved the younger nation.

_Now I'm here to say I'm sorry_

_And ask for a second chance_

_Cause when it all comes down in the end_

_I could sure use a friend._

_Now I'm here to say I'm sorry_

_And ask for a second chance_

_Cause when it all comes down in the end_

_You were the best I ever had_

_We fell in love for a reason_

_Now you're leaving_

_And I just want you back_

_So many things we believed in_

_Now you're leaving and words won't bring you back_

_I'll never let go of the heart I broke_

The tears ran freely down Arthur's cheeks now. There was no stopping them. There was no changing his feelings or hiding them right then. He would never be able to let go of Alfred. He would never be able to forgive himself for all that he had done to break that boy. Nothing he could do or say would change anything and he was now sure of it.

_You and I were living like a love song_

_I feel so bad, I feel so bad that you're gone_

_Now I know you're the only one that I want_

_I want you back _

_I want you_

_Now I'm here to say I'm sorry_

_And ask for a second chance_

_Cause when it all comes down in the end_

_I can sure use a friend_

_Now I'm here to say I'm sorry_

_And ask for a second chance_

_Cause when it all comes down in the end_

_You were the best I ever had_

The chorus felt like a knife was twisting in his chest all over again.

_I can't believe that I threw away all our dreams_

_I can't believe now that you're gone how much you mean to me_

_I feel so bad, I feel so bad_

_You were the best I ever had_

_I can't believe that I threw away all our dreams_

_I can't believe now that you're gone how much you mean to me_

_I feel so bad, I feel so bad_

_You were,_

_You were the best I ever had._

As the song ended, Arthur tried to rein his emotions in but, he failed miserably. That night, the night that he was supposed to get drunk with Gilbert, Antonio, and Francis, he was more depressed and lonely then ever before. That night, he truly realized how much he really needed Alfred to be there for him and help him and love him.

Arthur ran out of the bar and into the middle of the parking lot. Francis followed him. "Angleterre, I'm so sorry."

Arthur cried and refused to move at all.

"Arthur. I'll take you home if you want me too."

Arthur just nodded at the request.

Francis walked over and led Arthur to the car. They were silent the entire car ride back to Arthur's house. Francis knew that there was nothing he could do to help the Englishman now. He was right when he had said that l'amour was stronger than either of the men. The disheveled Englishman in front of him proved that love was not something that just went away.

When they got to Arthur's, Francis said goodnight and drove off.

Arthur walked up the stairs and into his bedroom. He was still somewhat drunk but, the tears had washed away the numb feeling that the alcohol had left in his system. The tears had washed away a lot of things. One of them was the thought that Alfred being gone was going to help him. That wouldn't happen ever. He would never be happy when Alfred wasn't around.

Arthur let himself fall into a dreamless sleep. The morning would tell how bad off the night had left him.

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**AN: I hated writing this. I have had this chapter planned out from the very beginning but, that doesn't change the fact that writing it made me want to cry. I love this chapter so very much though. I know it's not action packed and nothing with Alfred happens but, I love how it makes you realize how Arthur really, truly feels about Alfred.**

**Yes, it's the first songfic type thing that I've ever done and I hope that it turned out as well as I wanted it too. The song is "Best I Ever Had" by, State Of Shock.**

**I really love that song for them and thought it worked in this fic. Well, please tell me if I completely failed at doing this songfic type chapter. Review!**


	9. He's Back

**AN: School… why must you plague me with your annoyingness? You get in the way of writing fanfic for my lovely readers and that does not sit well with me because my readers are awesome in every form of the word awesome which makes them awesome! Basically, school is annoying but, I'm getting slightly better at finding time to update. At least once a week, that much I can promise.**

**Apparently the last chapter was rather popular with readers. I'm glad that you liked it and I'm glad that I could bring out emotions in people because that means I'm doing my job as a writer correctly. If you couldn't tell… I love ending things on a cliffhanger note. I know it's not very nice but, I don't care.**

**Please continue to review because reviews are awesome and they make me ridiculously happy and so they make me want to write more. (More reviews=more updates? … not really because I love writing anyway)

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Arthur woke up with one hell of a hangover the next morning. He was incredibly lucky that the world meeting was not today because he wouldn't be going even if it was. The hangover wasn't just an alcohol related pain and stupor. This time, it was depression and loneliness, and all of those terrible things rolled up into one amazing hangover.

Arthur decided that maybe drinking away his sorrows was not the way for him to go. It helped for a short period of time but, _what's worse, the pain or the hangover?_ The answer would probably be the hangover. The pain was unbearable at times but, the hangover was a mix of hangover and the original pain which made life even worse.

He jumped out of bed and tried to think up a way to talk to Alfred when he got back from wherever he had gone. He knew it was probably useless to talk to the American but, for some reason, he could not stop trying.

It was just dumb luck, Arthur supposed. He had to be in love with the one person that could make him feel like hell every single day of his life. He had to be in love with the one person that he pushed away all those years ago. He had to be in love with the one person that had a reason to hate him.

Arthur forced thoughts out of his head and decided to focus on getting rid of the hangover. That was tough and reinforced the 'no drinking when you're depressed' rule that he should consider taking up.

He was in the midst of drinking Gatorade which he heard got rid of hangovers from the drinking master, Gilbert Beilschmidt, when he got a text from Francis.

_From: Francis_

_How are you feeling today Angleterre? Better than yesterday I hope. Please, stop lying to me and yourself and just admit that you need help because you are in love. L'amour is a powerful thing Mon Angleterre._

Arthur sighed. He wasn't lying to himself. He admitted wholeheartedly that he was in love. He just didn't admit it to other people because it was pointless to be in love and worry about it when the person that you loved hated you with every fiber of his being.

_From: Angleterre_

_Francis, stop worrying about me so much you bloody frog. I have a bloody hangover and want to sit in a corner and cry but, at least I'm not drunk and depressed. I'm just hung-over and depressed. Admitting my love for Alfred will not help anything because he hates me. It's powerful but, only if it's felt by both sides._

Francis received the message and wanted to strangle the stupid Englishman. He really thought that the feelings between him and Alfred were only one sided? There was no way that someone as intelligent as that would have that stupid of a thought process working for him. It was obvious to everyone that the feelings between the two were mutual and that they were both just too damn stubborn to admit to it.

_From: Francis_

_I am going to worry about you until you stop beating yourself up for the past Angleterre. I'm sorry to here about your hangover and I hope that you fight it away rather quickly. No, you're not drunk and depressed, you're just depressed. You really need to admit how you feel about the boy to someone that is not yourself. The feelings might be mutual, you just have to dig a bit deeper._

Arthur sighed and turned off his phone. He didn't want to hear anymore of that _l'amour _shit. It wasn't helping now and it wouldn't help in the future so it was useless and pointless and just needed to leave him the hell alone before he got pissed and said something that he'd regret the next day.

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Two weeks after that day, Arthur was sitting in the conference room at yet another world meeting that he didn't want to attend. He was, once again, early to the meetings. He hadn't gotten drunk since the night with Francis, Antonio, and Gilbert. The hangover the next day had just been too intense for him to deal with yet again.

Now, he was forced to be sober and aware of the world around him and that fact scared the hell out of him. He didn't want to think anymore. He didn't want to be anymore. He just wanted to disappear so that Alfred couldn't have this kind of control over him. He didn't want to admit that he wished the American would just come back to the meetings.

That's why, Arthur was shocked when he looked at the door and saw Alfred walk into the room with his smartass smile in place. The strangest thing was that the American was early to a meeting. He was never early. Alfred always came in as late as he could get away with so that he wouldn't have to deal with angry nations for that much longer.

Arthur felt his heart being torn apart when the American sat on the opposite side of the table and looked completely happy and carefree. Obviously, the argument that they had the last time they encountered one another meant nothing to him. That was sad because it meant everything to Arthur.

Little did the Englishman know, Alfred was faking the cheerful look and emotions were really tearing him apart. Alfred wasn't as invincible as he led everyone to believe. He was hurt by many things. He had emotions that finally decided to come back and kill him inside.

Francis saw that America was back and immediately sat down next to him. "How was your time off Mon petite?"

Alfred smiled. "It was awesome and really helpful."

"Where'd you go?"

"I went to England actually. You see, there's this really nice park and area that I love to go to on occasion."

Arthur heard that and looked up at the American in shock. He went to _England? _Alfred hadn't been to England since that fateful day all those years ago. And he went to a park. He had suspicions, which he knew were false, about the exact park that Alfred was referring to.

"Have you been to that park before?" Francis asked.

"Yeah. I used to go all the time when I was a kid. I visited a lot of places that I used to go. It's funny how many memories that kind of thing can dredge up." Alfred said it as a joke but, Francis could see the pain in the American's eyes. Maybe he wasn't so indifferent to Arthur after all.

Arthur felt his heart fill up at the thought of Alfred visiting places that the two had been together. He knew exactly what park America was referring to. It was the place that Arthur had taken him so many times in the past.

The meeting started shortly afterwards and no more talking happened for the rest of the meeting. Arthur took the time to wonder why Alfred had gone to that place when he hated England. He wondered what possessed America to go there when he didn't even want to talk to Arthur, let alone recover memories.

After the meeting, Arthur approached Alfred wearily. "Alfred, it's nice to see that you are back. I hope you had a good vacation."

Alfred looked with a cold look in his eyes. "I had a lovely vacation Iggy."

The fact that he used the name Iggy made the ice in his eyes seem less plausible and more like a defense mechanism. Fortunately, Arthur didn't notice the slight softening of his expression when he used the old nickname.

Arthur sighed and was about to say something but was interrupted by Alfred. "Just tell me what you want with me so we don't have to keep playing this game. Really, I just don't want to pretend that we can stand one another do what do you want from me?"

"Alfred I do not want anything from you. I am talking to you because I want to, no other reason attached to it. You bloody wanker, why can't you understand that?"

Francis saw the fight beginning and jumped in to intercede. "Both of you, come to my place now." He said it in a commanding voice that neither nation could argue against.

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**AN: Cliffhanger! I wonder what will happen next… oh wait; I'm the writer so I already know! I really hoped you like this chapter because I loved writing it for you.**

**On another note, I am starting a Hetalia high school fic that involves both USUK and PruCan. Yes, I took my two favorite pairings and rolled them into one awesome fic. It is going up soon so if you are interested you should read it!**

**Please review and I'm taking request for Christmas fics so if anyone wants to see one written let me know!**


	10. Listen

**AN: Another awesome update of this fic! YAY! I'm sure by now you are all pretty tired of cliffhangers right? Unfortunately for you, I love writing the cliffhanger endings! **

**Thanks for the awesome reviews once more. I'm glad you all like Francis the Matchmaker! His frustration mimics my own in this story! I love the reviews that have you admitting that I caused some form of emotion in you. That means that my job has been done correctly.**

**Please continue to review because reviews are awesome.

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Francis pulled into his driveway and watched the two cars that were pulling in behind him; the damn stubborn idiots. He just wished that they would get over themselves for long enough to talk properly. He knew that Arthur was trying but, it took a lot to get a point across to the stupid American. Francis planned to help them fix this whole thing.

Arthur got out of his car with a sigh. It didn't surprise him that Francis was going to these measures. He really should have seen it coming. It was obvious that Francis was mad at the two for fighting. Arthur was mad at himself for not getting anywhere so of course Francis was mad as well.

Arthur watched Francis and Alfred get out of their respective cars. "What the hell is this all about Francis?"

Francis sighed and walked over to his door. He opened it and glanced back at the two staring nations. "Inside. I'll explain everything then."

The two men followed his instructions. They had nearly identical frowns on their faces. It was clear to Francis that neither of them wanted to be included in this conversation. At this point, he didn't care what they wanted to talk about. He gave them a chance to figure all of it out on their own. Now it was his turn to put things back to how they should be. At least, he would start the long process that the two would have to go through to make it there.

Francis followed Arthur and Alfred into the house and gestured for them to sit. They did and he began to speak. "Now, I told you two to come here for a very obvious reason. If you morons remember anything from the last time you were here you would already know why."

Alfred interrupted him. "We tried that already."

Francis chuckled. "You did not try to talk. Arthur tried to talk and you blew him off. Then, you argued. That is not talking."

Arthur sighed. "I really don't see what this will accomplish Francis."

"I saw you drinking more than you have in decades in that bar. I saw you crying because of a damn song. Don't pretend that you didn't do it and don't pretend that it wasn't because of this whole mess Arthur." Francis succeeded in making the two stubborn men shut up.

"Now that I have your attention," he looked at them. "You need to discuss what happened between the two of you. You need to discuss the pain you put each other through. I don't think either of you ever thought about how you made the other feel in anything."

"I did." Arthur whispered.

"What?"

"I said I did. I did think about what I did to him. I have been thinking about it for years now." Arthur admitted.

Alfred stood up. "I don't need this shit."

Luckily, Francis had planned for this reaction. He walked over to Alfred and placed a hand on his shoulder. "If you don't want to talk to him, I have something much more exciting for us to do." He whispered seductively, his other hand on Alfred's hip and slowly moving down.

Alfred got the hint and sat down again. "Fine."

Francis smiled. He might as well just sit back and observe the two now.

Arthur already had tears streaming down his face. "Alfred, I don't expect you to forgive me. The things I did to you were just too terrible for me to remember anymore. I hate thinking back to that dreadful time."

Alfred just laughed. "You're the only one that still worries about it Iggy. Once again, I don't hate you; you hate me."

The tears continued as Arthur felt the need to knock some sense into the lad. "I have said it before and I will say it again: I do not hate you Alfred. I never hated you. I may have said that I did at one point but, I lied to you. I couldn't hate you. It's impossible."

"You don't have to lie to me Arthur!" Alfred was clearly getting upset.

"I'm not lying Alfred."

"Yes you are England. You lied to me back then. You claimed to care about me and then all those laws started pouring in and I couldn't take it!" Alfred proved that he did care more than he let on. The tears started and the remaining pain was evident on his face.

Francis knew that he finally got them to hit something important. He finally got something out of the two stubborn idiots. He didn't expect a confession of love but, it was definitely going in a good direction.

"Don't call me England!" Arthur snapped.

"Why the hell not?" Alfred demanded.

"You do not call me England. You call me Arthur. Or you call me that annoying nickname, Iggy. I hate it when you call me England."

Alfred was too shocked to say a word back. He didn't expect that in a million years. He thought that Arthur hated the nickname. He always said that he did.

"I did not lie to you back then Alfred. I told you the truth when I said that I cared about you, you bloody moron. I lied when I said that I hated you. I put up those ridiculous laws so I could have more control over you. I held so tightly because I didn't want to lose. Of course, my efforts failed." Arthur felt somewhat defeated. It was obvious that Alfred didn't want to hear a word of it.

"If it wasn't true, why did you say it? If you didn't want me to leave, why did you push me away?" Alfred felt like a little kid again. He felt transported back to a time when he had to rely on Arthur. He knew that it wasn't the case but, it still felt that way.

"I don't even know why I said it. I pushed you away but, that wasn't what I intended. I wanted to hold onto you more tightly."

"You really hurt me Iggy." Alfred confessed.

Arthur felt like he was going to cry even harder. He couldn't believe that the American was admitting to pain. What was worse, he caused that pain. "I never meant to."

Francis felt the need to intercede once more. Yes, they were going in a good direction. They needed to discuss how Arthur felt about things as well.

"Arthur?" Francis called. The Englishman turned to look at him. "How did you feel by the end of this? How do you feel now?"

Arthur stared at the ground for a few minutes before answering the question. "I… I felt like I was going to die. I had never felt that pain before in my life. I felt utterly defeated. When I was about to hurt Alfred, I couldn't do it. I couldn't shot him. I cared too much. I was hurt and lonely and lost. I still feel hurt and lonely and lost." He whispered.

"Iggy…" Alfred was stunned.

Francis sighed. "I believe that is enough for today. Promise me that you'll discuss this again at greater length."

Arthur continued to stare at the ground. "Promise," he mumbled.

Alfred approached Arthur. "Iggy, please stop crying."

The truth was; another flashback was playing through Arthur's head.

* * *

_It was the end of the American Revolution. Arthur was standing face to face with his soon-to-be ex-colony. He had the gun in his hand. He could have fired at the younger nation but, he couldn't. He felt to much love in his heart. He couldn't bring himself to pull the trigger._

_Arthur knew what would happen if he let Alfred win this fight. They would be done. Alfred would leave and he wouldn't be coming back. He should stop the crazy young man. He should admit to loving the other nation. He should admit to the pain this was all causing him. Instead, he just clutched the gun for dear life._

"_Come on Arthur. Shoot me." _

"_I-I can't." Arthur dropped the gun to the ground. "I can't hurt you Alfred. I can't do it."_

_Alfred chuckled darkly. It looks like you're going to lose then.

* * *

_

The flashback changed. It fast forwarded by a few months.

* * *

"_Angleterre, please get out of bed."_

"_I refuse." Arthur lay under the covers._

"_Please Arthur; don't do this to yourself anymore."_

"_I already lost everything Francis. Just leave me alone." He heard the Frenchman leave and rolled over in the bed._

_This was Arthur's punishment. He had chased away the only person worth fighting for. He had pushed away the only person that he would ever love. He just wanted to die. The pain was too great for him to handle. As a nation, he could take a lot of pain and damage. Of course, that was all physical. This was totally different. _

_He swore that he wouldn't let himself be happy until he made things right with Alfred. He wouldn't be able to live with himself until he told Alfred how he felt.

* * *

_

The flashback ended and Arthur looked at Francis. "I'm going to go home now." He walked out the door and got in his car.

* * *

**AN: Chapter end**!


	11. Too Much

**AN: So you all happy with the last chapter huh? I love the slight breakthrough due to Francis being fed up and forcing them to talk against their wills. It almost worked too. Damn Arthur! **

**You guys are awesome readers and I love you for it. Thanks for all of the reviews thus far. I hope you like this chapter because it gave me some writers block so I'm not the happiest with it.**

**Please review because reviews are awesome!

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**

Arthur got in his car but, he didn't go home. He didn't want to go home. It was obvious that Alfred still couldn't stand to be in a room with him. It was obvious that Alfred still didn't want to talk.

Arthur couldn't deal with the emotional turmoil that all of this was causing. He just wanted to be away from all of the problems. He just needed to do something that would take his mind off of everything.

The problem was; Alfred was constantly on Arthur's mind. He knew that the American was still hurt from what he had done years before hand. He knew that Alfred was just pretending to be uncaring. Alfred didn't care about Arthur; he just cared about the pain. Arthur couldn't stand that knowledge any longer.

It was all his fault. Everything that happened was his fault. He lost the love of his life and was having problems getting him back and it was his fault.

Arthur knew that he had to calm down and head home. He also knew that much of this turmoil was caused by the flashback. He still remembered what it was like when Alfred first left him. At least the pain was bearable now. It wasn't perfect but, he could take the pressure of it all know.

Arthur took a few deep breaths and began to drive in the direction of his home. He was by no means calm or relaxed. He was completely in a daze. He didn't want to deal with the flashbacks right now. He just wanted to get Alfred back.

Arthur parked in his driveway and walked into his house. He pulled out his phone and called Francis. "Hey… I need your help."

"_What is it Angleterre?"_

"I… I need to get Alfred back. Just talking to him isn't working."

"_Just have patience Mon Cher. It will work itself out if you talk things out with him."_

"I can't wait. The memories are coming more often and I just want them to go away Francis…" Arthur sobbed.

"_Arthur… Alfred told me that he's going to talk to you from time to time. He's going to talk to you at the next world meeting. Just give it some time. If it gets to hard to sleep with all of the memories… well just relax and take two sleeping pills."_

Arthur nodded but, then remembered that Francis couldn't see him through the phone. "You just gave me a brilliant idea."

_Francis realized something in that instant. Arthur wasn't stable. He wasn't doing well because of the flashbacks that he'd been having. He was planning something and it wasn't good. "Don't do anything stupid."_

Arthur chuckled darkly. "No promises Francis."

He hung up the phone.

Walking into the kitchen, Arthur searched through his liquor cabinet. He really didn't care what he took out. He just needed the alcohol to calm himself down.

He grabbed the sleeping pills out of the medicine cabinet in the bathroom.

With the two items in hand, Arthur walked back into his room and lay down on the bed. "I'm not going to dream about Alfred tonight. I'm not going to dream at all tonight. I'll deal with all of this tomorrow."

He grabbed a handful of sleeping pills and stuffed them in his mouth. He chased the pills down with alcohol.

The drowsiness came fast. He felt his head get lighter and his eyelids heavier. He heard a car outside but, didn't care.

Arthur heard his front door open but, it didn't matter at that point. He wasn't thinking anymore. He didn't have to think. The liquor was doing that for him.

"Arthur!"

That was the last thing he heard before the world went black.

* * *

**AN: Short, not the best… writers block really sucks. I do have the next chapter in mind though. It should be a lot easier to write then this one was. **

**I hope you guys like that cliffhanger! What is happening?**

**Please review.**


	12. Update

AN: So this is just a bit of an update on what's going on. My computer crashed so I haven't been able to do anything related to fanfic at all. Thankfully, I'm back up and running and should be posting new chapters up this week. I apologize for taking so long but, it is an unavoidable problem. I promise that new stuff is coming soon! Don't doubt me when I tell you that! Frenchfry loves her readers and reviewers so much and would not purposefully disappoint them with a lack of any updating at all! I will be back soon to post new stuff!

~FrenchFry


	13. Hospitals

**AN: It has been ages since I updated this! Sorry to all of you. I had computer problems followed by being incredibly busy and I just couldn't find the time to update. I'm back at my updating and writing and such so don't despair! I will make up for my lack of update after leaving you all with a cliffhanger!**

**Your reviews were, as always, spectacular. I'm sorry that you had to wait so long for the follow up to that cliffhanger. I don't mean to drive you people crazy. Your reviews were so awesome though!**

**Please review!

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The waiting room of a hospital sucked more than you could possibly imagine. In the waiting room, you had to sit around and wait to see if your friend would wake up. You had to wonder if he was even going to live through this stupid idea of his. You wonder what the doctors can even do for the idiot. You wish that things had gone differently. You wish that you didn't have to be in the hospital. You wish that he had waited a bit longer before being an idiot. If he had waited, you would have been there in time to stop him.

Francis was pacing the waiting room; he was waiting for any news on Arthur. There were no reports of nations being capable of dying but, he just couldn't be sure. All he knew was that if Arthur lived through this, he was going to kill the ridiculous Englishman. That's what he deserved for scaring his friend like this.

After Francis had hung up with Arthur, he knew exactly what the idiot was going to do. He immediately jumped into his car and drove, completely ignoring the speed limit, to Arthur's house to stop England before it was too late. Unfortunately, Francis just wasn't fast enough to get there in time. He arrived to see Arthur nearly unconscious on the bed. He saw the bottle of sleeping pills and the bottle of whiskey beside the bed. It didn't take a genius to figure out what had occurred.

Francis had called an ambulance immediately before running to his friend's aide. Arthur had been unconscious by that point and Francis had been terrified. He partially blamed himself for the whole incident. He was the one who had put the idea into Arthur's head. Was it really his fault that he had gone this far though?

Francis drove to hospital, following the ambulance, and had been waiting in the waiting room for about two hours now. None of the doctors would tell him what was going on. He was a nervous wreck. He should have expected it to come to this. One person can only take so much pain before they snap. Apparently, Arthur had hit the wall. Alfred was just too much for him at the moment.

To make things worse, Francis knew that he still needed to call Alfred and tell the insane American about what had happened. Francis pulled out his phone with a sigh. He needed to call Alfred… it was the right thing to do in this situation.

"_Yo… what's up Francis? It's 2:00 in the damn morning!"_

Francis glanced at the clock. Apparently it was two in the morning. Oh well. "Alfred… something happened… I need to tell you about it." Francis tried to keep the worry out of his voice but, he was almost positive that it hadn't worked.

"_What is it?"_

"It's Arthur," Francis paused. He wasn't sure how to say this without making it seem like the American's fault. "He… well he's in the hospital right now."

"_What? Why? How? What?"_

Alfred sounded instantly awake and worried. "H-He did something pretty stupid Alfred. He took sleeping pills and alcohol and I got to his house and he was out cold. I'm at the hospital now." Francis explained the situation quickly.

"_Why the hell would he do that? That's fucking ridiculous! Is he stupid or something?" _

"Alfred, he had a good enough reason. I don't think he meant for it to end up like this."

"_How is he doing?"_

Francis sighed, "I honestly have no clue. The doctors refuse to answer my questions."

"_Shit… I have to get there now. I'll be there in twenty minutes Francis."_

Francis heard the dial tone and he knew that Alfred had hung up. He sighed. Alfred was going to show up and be worried about Arthur but, as soon as Arthur woke up, the American was going to go back to being his annoying self. It was really sad to know how much they both cared about each other. It was sad to know that much of this was, in a way, Alfred's fault.

Francis stopped thinking altogether when a doctor finally walked up to him. "How is Angleterre? How is Arthur?" He asked.

The doctor didn't meet his eyes. "We're looking into it still. We'll let you know as soon as we know something."

Francis felt his heart drop into his stomach. When doctors didn't answer you, it normally wasn't good news. This whole situation was horrendous. He wanted to go back in time to right before he had made the suggestion. He didn't want Arthur in the hospital. He didn't want the worry.

Thirty minutes later, the hospital doors opened and a distressed Alfred walked up to Francis. "How is he?"

"I don't know Cher, I just don't know."

Alfred started to pace. Francis just sat down and watched the American with a somewhat defeated look in his eyes. The two just had to wait. There was nothing else for them to do in this case. They just had to wait and hope that the doctors had some good news to give them.

The two sat in silence for about half an hour before another doctor walked into the waiting room. Alfred immediately ran up to him. "How is Arthur? Is he gonna be ok?"

The doctor didn't say anything for a few minutes. When he finally did talk, Francis had sinking feeling. "I have nothing to say just yet, just wait."

"Bullshit! You know something and you just don't want to tell us." Alfred shouted. It was clear that he was incredibly distressed about Arthur's status. "Please just tell me something."

"Sir, you have to calm down. We will let you know as soon as we can."

"I need to know now!" Alfred paused for a moment. "How would you like to know that the one person you actually cared about was in the hospital and you couldn't do a damn thing about it? How would you like to know that you might not ever be able to make it all up to him? How would you like to know that this is all your fault anyway?" Tears had formed in Alfred's eyes.

The doctor's gaze softened a bit as he looked at Alfred. "Just hold on boy. We'll be able to tell you something soon."

Alfred sat down next to Francis, completely defeated. Francis wasn't sure what to do. For once, he didn't know how to handle the situation.

Ten minutes hadn't paused when the doctor returned. "I have some news this time."

Alfred instantly perked up.

"For starters, he's stable." Francis did not like the doctors' tone.

"But?" Francis inquired.

"But, he's still unconscious." The doctor paused for a moment. "He is in a coma; we are not sure how long it will last."

Alfred closed his eyes as the tears tried to escape. "There's no way," he whispered.

Francis felt his heart break a bit. "Is there any way that we can see him?"

The doctor sighed. "You can see him in the morning. Right now, I suggest you take that one home and get some sleep."

Francis glanced at Alfred. It was obvious that the American needed some sleep. "We'll be back in the morning."

* * *

**AN: I really hate doing this to Arthur…. I feel bad for him. I hope you guys like this chapter because I loved writing it! I really do like this one. **

**Please review!**


	14. First Sight

**AN: Is that another update for I Wish You Knew? Why yes, yes it is! This is another chapter from the ever elusive FrenchFry who enjoys procrastination of the highest caliber. I promise that I'm working on it but, being sick and having a lot of school work to do doesn't help me at all. I will be updating everything over Spring Break though!**

**You reviewers are the best people in the world. I don't have time to respond to everyone but, I appreciate and love them so very much that it makes me smile. You guys are just way to nice to me! We are now at 93 reviews… wow. Please continue to make me happy with your reviews. The person who gives me review number 100 gets a prizefic!**

**And now to the continuation of this fic!**

Alfred didn't sleep that well that night. It wasn't as if he was worried about Iggy or anything… well maybe he was a little worried. He was supposed to be worried though. Iggy was one of his friends so that meant that being worried was normal. That didn't have anything to do with his lack of sleep though. He wasn't staying up all night, waiting for Francis to pick him up and take him to the hospital or anything. That would be ridiculous. He didn't really care about Arthur that much anyway.

Alfred sighed, he really needed to get better at lying to himself, or he needed to stop doing it. He voted on becoming a better liar. Life was just easier when you didn't let the truth interfere with your day. It was probably a deluded way to see life but, it worked.

About an hour after Alfred 'woke up' he heard a knock at the door. He went to answer it and found a sleep deprived Frenchman looking up at him. "Francis, you're here pretty early."

Francis chuckled a bit. Alfred had obviously been waiting for his arrival. All the American wanted to do was go and visit his very good friend in the hospital. It looked as though Alfred hadn't slept but, Francis couldn't judge. He hadn't gotten much sleep either. He had been up all night, worried about what might happen to Arthur. He hated knowing that his friend was unconscious on a hospital bed.

"How about we get over to the hospital mon cher?"

Alfred nodded. He needed to see Iggy for himself. He needed proof that Iggy really was in a hospital bed. He needed to know that this wasn't all a terrible nightmare because that's what his brain kept telling him. It tried to convince him that Arthur was at home, drinking tea and going on about how much of an annoying American Alfred was. He knew it wasn't true but, he had to see for himself.

Francis and Alfred walked over to Francis's car and got in. Alfred was silent the entire way to the hospital. He wouldn't do more than nod whenever Francis said anything to him.

"_The poor kid misses Arthur," _Francis thought. It was sad that Arthur couldn't see Alfred right now. It was sad that Arthur didn't know how much Alfred cared for him. They were both far too stubborn to see past themselves and realize what they had for each other. Francis hated to see ignored love. It was worse than nonexistent love. It wasn't worse than having the one you loved in the hospital though, that was worse than anything.

They got to the hospital and walked into the waiting room. It was pretty packed, a huge contrast to the nearly empty room that they had entered last night. "These are normal hours," Francis mumbled to himself. "Not the insane hours that only emergencies flood in."

Francis walked up to the receptionist, followed by a zombie-like Alfred. It was strange and heartbreaking to see Alfred, normally so full of life, looking like one of the living dead.

"Good morning," The receptionists said brightly, clearly ignoring the fact that Francis looked like he hadn't slept.

"Good morning. I was wondering if there was any way we could see Arthur Kirkland." Francis cut straight to the point.

The receptionist looked at her piece of paper and frowned a bit. "I'll have to get you the doctor's permission so you can go in. I'll call him in here so just sit and wait."

Francis nodded and turned to walk towards the chairs. He put a hand on Alfred's shoulder and led him to a chair. Alfred sat and Francis stayed standing for a moment. It was hard to say why but, he just didn't want to sit, he wanted to see that Arthur was ok and sitting seemed to interfere with that a bit.

The doctor came out a few minutes later and located Francis and Alfred. It was the same doctor from the night before. Francis didn't get a good look at him the night before and now he looked him over. The man had light brown hair and dark brown eyes. He seemed to be about 30. "Ah, I figured that it would be the two from last night. I didn't mention it last night, my name is Dr. Roberts."

Francis gave a tired smile. "I'm Francis Bonnefoy and this is Alfred Jones. I don't mean to be rude but, we really need to get in to see our friend."

Dr. Roberts looked down at the ground for a moment. "I don't think that's a good idea right now."

Alfred seemed to come alive as soon as he heard that. "Why the hell not?"

Francis sighed. "What he means to say is why can't we? What's wrong with him?"

The doctor looked back at the two. "He's stable but, still in a coma. You might not like what you see. There are wires and machines hooked up to Arthur. I don't think you want to see him right now."

"Bullshit! Of course I want to see my fucking friend! That's the whole reason I'm here dipshit!" Alfred snapped.

Francis put a hand on Alfred's shoulder. "Ignore him. We understand that it may not be the best idea but, we want to see our friend. Please, let us in."

The doctor sighed before giving a resigned smile. "Follow me and remember something, I warned you."

The two followed Dr. Roberts down the long hallway. He stopped in front of a door and sighed. "He's in here. Go ahead in."

Francis and Alfred pushed the door open. Alfred gasped and felt tears come to his eyes immediately. This wasn't all a dream, it was reality. His friend lay on the bed, wires attached and machines beeping.

**AN: So This is it! Not a bad chapter even if not much is happening. The doctor is just a random person I threw into the story!**


	15. Alone

**AN: She doesn't still exist does she? She left us with a cliffhanger and then just dropped of the face of the Earth? How could she be so cruel?**

**Never fear my dear readers! French Fry has indeed returned with a vengeance after a long absence for many, many reasons! I don't plan on leaving you lovely people behind again though so don't be afraid! **

**So many reviews on the last chapter! I love you guys so very much! **

**If you review… you will get Mattie hugs! And it might bump this fic up on my list of fics to update!**

Alfred felt frozen in place. This just made the whole thing real for him. Tears streamed down his face but, he didn't care who saw them for a change. He felt weak, he felt completely useless. His knees weakened and he almost fell to the ground but, somehow managed to regain some control.

Francis glanced at the doctor and then at Alfred. It was clear that Alfred was having a hard time processing the situation. To be completely honest, so was he. It was insane to see one of his friends in this kind of condition.

Alfred turned to the two standing slightly behind him. "Would you mind giving me a minute alone with him?" he asked, his voice cracking a bit from the still present tears.

Francis sighed sadly, "Of course mon cher."

Dr. Roberts looked uncertain for a moment but, agreed. "Alright." The two walked out into the hallway and closed the door behind him. Once outside, the doctor looked at Francis, "So what's the story with those two?"

"L'amour," he responded with a sigh. "It's love."

The doctor didn't look very surprised. "I guessed it was something along those lines with how the kid was reacting."

Francis looked up sadly. "The problem is they don't know it's love. They still try to hate each other. Arthur is in this mess because of a conversation they had."

Dr. Roberts looked sympathetic. "I see… maybe they will get along after this is all over?"

Francis smiled sadly, "I hope so."

As soon as the others left him alone, Alfred approached the bed cautiously. There was a chair next to the bed and he sat down. "Iggy," he whispered.

The wires scared Alfred. He was the hero, nothing was supposed to scare him but, the wires did. They made Arthur look so small and weak. That terrified the American. He didn't want to see Arthur like this; he had never seen Arthur look this helpless.

"This is all my fault," he let the tears come; it was far too much hard work to stop them. "I hurt you back at Francis' house. I wouldn't listen to you and it hurt you. You opened up to me and I was too wrapped up in myself to see that. I'm so sorry Iggy. I promise I won't call you England again."

Suddenly his tone changed from soft and sad to harsh and angry. "You didn't need to go and do something stupid though. You didn't have to do this to yourself. You're hurting Francis and me and so many other people by being in a damn coma. We're worried about you because you overreacted and hurt yourself. How the hell could you do this to me Iggy? I'll forgive if you wake up though. I won't hold a grudge for this one."

At the end, Alfred dissolved into tears. This wasn't like him. He was always so strong and so in control of everything around him. Now, he was crying like a baby because Arthur was in the hospital. It was a good thing that no one was in here. It would have been incredibly embarrassing if anyone saw him like this.

"What would you think of the hero if you were awake Iggy?" he sniffled a bit. "You would be embarrassed wouldn't you? You taught me to be stronger then this. I can't help it though. I can't be as strong as I want to be because I'm afraid. I'm scared of what might happen to you."

Alfred sat down in silence now. He had no more words to describe his thoughts. Now he just needed to get a hold of himself before letting the other two back in the room. He had to stop crying like a little baby and put on a smile for the world to see.

He looked down at Arthur but, refused to touch him. He felt the urge to put a hand on the others arm to assure him that someone was there but, was afraid that even small contact like that would hurt him. Arthur just looked so damn fragile.

After a few more minutes alone, Alfred stood up and walked over to open the door. He smiled at Francis and Dr. Roberts. "I think I'm good now."

Francis could see that the smile was forced but, didn't comment. "I believe we're good to leave for now. We'll probably be back tomorrow though."

"Of course we will be," Alfred asserted.

The doctor couldn't help the sad smile that overtook him as he watched the two nations leave the hospital. There was no guarantee that their friend was going to wake up. There was no guarantee that if he did it would be soon. Still, they had a lot of hope that he would.

**AN: a very emotional chapter for Alfred. Yes, I showed him in a light that I normally wouldn't because it just proves that he does indeed care for Iggy! Well, please review! Will update soon :) **


	16. Alfred Remembers

**AN: Well this is a late update! I went on a bit of an unexpected hiatus, but here I am! I am back and ready to update again. I'm going to try and update at least once a week now, more if I can manage.**

**Once again, I have amazing reviewers that give me amazing reviews and make me happy! Please, continue reviewing! I love them so much and Mattie will hug you if you do!**

It had been two weeks since Arthur had been admitted to the hospital and he still hadn't woken up. Alfred came by almost every day, against his better judgment. He knew that going would only raise questions and suspicions, especially because everyone knew that he hated Arthur most of the time but, he couldn't bring himself to care about any of that. He just wished that Arthur would wake up and he could stop talking to the guy in a coma.

Francis came with him today as he tried to do as often as he could manage it. They had been in another argument because Francis kept trying to convince Alfred that he was in love with Arthur. The guy was absolutely nuts with his talk of "l'amour" and things of that nature. There was no love between Alfred and Arthur. That part of Alfred's life had ended years ago. He had left England for a reason and wouldn't go back on that.

Still, he was worried about Iggy. Alfred didn't really hate him anymore. He still kind of blamed Arthur for everything that had happened between them, but that didn't mean that he hated the older man. It was far more complicated than that. He obviously still cared about Arthur. Why else would he be in this hospital every single day? It certainly wasn't for love. Maybe friendship.

Alfred walked into Arthur's room and sat on the chair by the bed, just as he had done every day for the past two weeks. He would give anything to just go back and change things. Not the distant past, but the recent past. Maybe if he had actually listened to Iggy, things would have been different. He couldn't know that for sure. All he could do was guess.

As he sat back and watched Arthur, the memories started playing like a movie in his head. It had been years since it had happened. While he had never stopped caring, he had stopped thinking about it. Yeah, the pain was still there, but it was really just in the back of his mind.

* * *

_Alfred was a little kid, about five years old, and living with Arthur. Arthur was leaving to go off and fight someone or other. Alfred was never really sure what was going on. All he knew was that his guardian was leaving. _

_Alfred didn't want to be alone in this big house. It seemed so scary when Arthur wasn't around. "Please don't leave! I don't wanna be alone."_

_Arthur chuckled softly. "Al, I have to go. I'll be back as soon as I can manage it though. You'll be fine alone. It's not that big of a house."_

_Alfred sniffled. "Yeah it is! I'm too small to be alone here."_

_Arthur shook his head as he opened the door. "No you're not. And even if you are, you won't be for long. Just think of it as training for when you get bigger."_

_With that, Arthur walked out the door. Alfred watched him go and felt a little bit better because of the conversation. He could be home alone, at least for a little while._

* * *

Alfred sighed. Memories like that seemed so insignificant, yet they had such a big impact on him when he was young. Arthur had helped shape who Alfred had become. There had been plenty of bumps in the road, but most of the time Arthur had meant to help, not hurt.

Alfred still couldn't be sure about those laws and such though. Arthur had claimed it had all been an attempt to keep Alfred close, but the American just didn't know for sure. It should be obvious. Arthur had ended up in the hospital for this after all. It wasn't though. Alfred had spent years believing one thing and wouldn't change his mind because of a little tragedy.

It was funny, Alfred had become a hero in the eyes of the world because of his break away from England, yet Iggy had been the one to tell him that he could be a hero. He didn't regret his decisions. He wouldn't have done a thing differently if he had the chance. If it hadn't been for all of the problems, he wouldn't be the America that he was now. He just wished that he could find it in him to talk to Arthur. If he really didn't care, then it should have been easy.

Unfortunately, when someone changes your life completely it's hard to stop caring. Even if years pass, it's nearly impossible to completely stop thinking about it.

* * *

"_No Arthur! I will not listen." Alfred nearly shouted._

_Arthur sighed and shook his head. "You see, this is why I implement new laws Alfred. You just don't listen to anything anyone says."_

_Alfred shook his head. He would not be talked down to like this. He was old enough now to make his own decisions. He didn't have to listen to the likes of Arthur Kirkland. "Look Arthur. I refuse to follow this. Nothing in here is good for my people, only yours. I need to think of my own country first."_

_Arthur gave a dark chuckle. "Really now? You think you're old enough that you can do everything on your own? You don't need England helping you anymore?"_

"_America doesn't need this Iggy. Just listen to me, please," a nearly desperate tone had entered Alfred's voice. He had always been able to talk to Arthur about anything. Now, he couldn't even say one thing without having to defend himself. _

"_I think I know better than you what a country needs Alfred."_

_With that, Arthur ended the conversation. Alfred went to his room and slammed the door. It was a childish gesture, but he was being treated like a child._

* * *

Alfred shook his head. Those were the days when everything had gone wrong. Alfred knew now that he wasn't completely innocent in all of this, but Arthur held more of the blame. He had done everything in his power to push Alfred away. Well, it had worked. He had finally pushed Alfred too far. Alfred had to leave. He couldn't leave his people at the mercy of the British Empire.

* * *

_Alfred walked down the streets of England with his head held high. It was the first time he had been in England since the revolution. It stung a bit to see all these familiar places, but he could deal with it. After his conversation with Arthur in the park, he felt like he needed to take a vacation. He felt like he needed to go back and visit England. _

_There was one place in particular that Alfred needed to see again. The park had reminded him of the place where he and Iggy had gone so many times when he was a child. It had been Arthur's safe haven and by extension, one of Alfred's favorite places to visit._

_He walked down the street and saw the park in front of him. He smiled as he walked over to the bench. That bench had been Arthur's place of solace. It seemed as though he had found another one near the conference room, but Alfred remembered that this had been the original place._

_Alfred was almost surprised that this place still existed. It had been so long since he had come here that he wasn't sure what he had expected. _

_Sitting down on the bench, Alfred felt a smile come to his lips. He really had missed this place in the time that he had been gone. It was astounding how much one place could mean. This place meant just about everything. It was strange, being here alone, but not in a bad way._

_After a few minutes of sitting on the bench, Alfred stood up and walked over to the playground area. When he was very young he would come here and play while Arthur sat on the bench. Those were some of his fondest memories. _

_He left the playground and walked over to the lake towards the middle of the park. When he was a little older, Arthur would walk around the lake with him and show him the animals. As a teenager, Alfred would walk around the lake, sometimes alone and sometimes with Arthur, and just think or talk. Sometimes Arthur would just sit on the bench while Alfred walked._

* * *

Alfred snapped out of his dream world when he heard Francis approach. He had been thinking of his recent visit to England. It had been an interesting and insightful experience. It was not one that he would soon forget.

"Francis? How long have you been standing there?"

"Just a few minutes." Francis answered his eyes on Arthur.

Alfred stood up. "I think I'll head back home. Call me if anything changes alright?"

Francis nodded and watched Alfred walk out of the hospital room. He would definitely call if anything changed. The only problem was that he feared that nothing would change. The doctors seemed to be getting less hopeful as each day passed.

**AN: End of chapter! Lots of memories this time around. I felt like we needed some Alfred time.**


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